This post is not meant to be a poor Heather post, more of a if you have any helpful suggestions please share..
Do you ever have those days, weeks, or months when you feel like you have no friends? Or perhaps you have no desire to do your make up/hair. Clean the house? Or just sit and do nothing?
I have been feeling like this for a while, I know that the friends I do have, have there own life and that every time I want to all get together or do something with one of them they can't just drop everything to come and do things with me.
And then I have those days where I don't want to do ANYTHING with ANYONE just be at home alone.
I wonder also, can you experience baby blues or PPD when your child is almost a year?
Sometimes I think MAN what I would give to work a couple days a week, but I really don't want to do that and I know that I am lucky to have the privilege to do that. My mom was with us kids until my youngest brother was in school and now she is back working to help support the family, so I know that I am lucky to not have to work.
Don't get me Wong I LOVE TITAN, I just think that every new mother or perhaps a mother of 6 has those days when the kid or kids try their patients. RIGHT? So am I going crazy?
I try sometimes to just get up and get ready for the day, but WHY? I know I'm not going anywhere that day and think why waste makeup? Or put the energy into it.. I weigh this much over what I want to and YES I know I don't go to the gym every day or twice a week that I am signed up for my that has NEVER been a big thing for me.
I feel so unattractive and all the sudden my face is breaking out ( NO I'M NOT PREGO) I just feel so moody all the time and feel like no one likes me, I have NEVER EVER been the type of person to care what people think of me, but now I find myself just wanting someone to talk to, to let it all out.. But I don't want to bother someone with my poor sad feelings I have..
PLEASE don't get this post wrong, I LOVE MY FAMILY, I love Terry and Titan with all that I am, they are my life!
Heather
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Whats WRONG with ME?
Heather Terry and Heather at 8:35 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
hey you!! don't worry about feeling this way, i have those days too, and I don't even have kids yet!!! I think that it is definitely normal for us as women, because we have been blessed by the Lord with feelings that men may not be able to handle... not to downplay men by any means, but as girls, we handle our emotions differently and that tends to cause problems!! My SIL told me best, whenever you are having those days, take a bath, and then dress up for yourself, or if you want, dress up for your husband cause then you at least feel like you have accomplished something that day!! if you ever need to talk, please call or text!! I know that I am not the best at texting back right away, but I will always text you back!! I love you!! Have a wonderful day!!!
Morgan
Heather,
OH, how I feel for you!! I have absolutely felt those exact same feelings many times. To answer your question about PPD: It can begin anytime within the 1st year of your baby's life. It doesn't just happen right after the baby is born. If you are seriously concerned about it I would think about talking to your doctor about it. Hopefully you have one that you feel comfortable expressing your feelings to. I can definitely recommend a doctor who knows quite a bit about PPD :). (My mom & I both struggle with it, if you didn't know already.) You DON'T have to keep feeling like this. There IS help out there. Hang in there!!
I know EXACTLY how you feel! My mom tells me that I do need to get ready to set the tone for when Kurtis comes home. But I just can't. I mean why waste the makeup? Why spend the time when it does nothing? And the constant cleaning? I can't stand it! I mean Kurtis comes home ans just throws his stuff everywhere so I am so burnt out I get annouied! I mean come on! I would like to relax at the end of the day too but how can I when I am seeing you make the very mess I have to clean up in 20mins right before my eyes? You are NOT alone. I think everyone goes through this and I don't think we really get over it until sadly..we have another baby ..our lives get even more busy or one child is in school. Some days I wish I could go and work in a salon but then I would miss out on everything Kyson does that day and I don't want that. I do see how Kyson misses Kurtis and how Kurtis aches to see Kyson. I get to see him 24/7 if I want to. But its hard being stuck at home and when yo ugo out..you spend money that you don't need to spend so..You stay in. Its a horrible cycle. But don't worry. It will get better. You just havet o come up with things to keep you busy. Like me..I read Twilight. Have you read it? LOVED IT!!! Then I am planning a Bridal Shower and have been scrapbooking. All which are coming to a close soon and I need something more to keep me busy.
this is SOOO normal! but that doesn't mean it makes it easy. Its very frustrating. But hang in there. it eventually goes away, but then it will come back again. I think it has a lot to do with never getting out of the house, and having cranky sick kids. Thats when I get that way. I find though if I do get ready for the day, even though there is no reason to I fell better. Just get Titan and Terry in the car and go for a drive. That makes me feel better!
Heather! I am so sorry you have these feelings. It IS hard staying at home with a little person that you can't communicate with and then do pretty much the same things day after day. It IS hard getting together with other people when they have work, school, their kids are napping/sick or whatever...It IS hard to be motivated to get dressed and do your make-up if you aren't going anywhere and your husband isn't going to be home until late. I agree with you on all of this, it is so hard being a stay at home mom sometimes. (I'm new to this, Katelyn is only 3 months but...) Here are some of the things I do when I feel this way: call someone (I talk to my mom and sister almost every day); just take a bath or shower and go from there; pray and read your scriptures, a good quote, or talk; get on the computer and chat with someone or comment on someone's blog/facebook; get some fresh air-whether you run errands or just go for a stroller ride w/ Titan; take a nap; exercise- even if it's just like 50 sit-ups; do a small project where you can see the results in an hour or so; and lastly, do something for someone else. I think that is the best way for me to forget myself is to do something thoughtful for someone. I need to be better at it. And of course, if you are questioning if this is normal and you really are concerned, talk to your doctor. They can get a better idea as to whether or not this is truly PPD. At my 6 week postpartum check up, my doctor said there are 2 things that she feels can make you more at risk for PPD: 1. Not having a lot of support, which leads to sleep deprivation and exhaustion, 2. Being isolated. So if you can change those things somehow, then things might get better. However, those are situational and don't take into account genetics. As Candace was saying, some people are predisposed to anxiety and/or depression. Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope you get through this rough time soon. Know that you are beautiful and Heavenly Father loves you and is watching over you and Titan. ~Kimber
Hey Heather. I hope you know we care about you and think you have a great family. Those feelings are so normal especially with #1. It's all new still new and your baby needs a lot of you with no siblings to entertain him. By the time you are on # 3 or 4 I bet you will be able to say I'm going to be feeling this way and that is normal what can I do about it? Not to mention someday instead of being at home you will be picking kids up from soccer only to take another to piano. Then you may be wishing you were back at the stage you are now with lots of time to enjoy it. My best advise would be to enjoy the moment you are in. Try a gratitude journal which helps me in tough times. I make myself write ten things I'm grateful for even if it is just seeing a neighbor when you went for a walk... anything. Not that I'm an expert on all this. I just know what helps me. I also do get ready every single day and even do my hair (which is no fun). I just feel better about myself and that effects how I feel about my life I guess. So hope it helps but most of all I think you guys are awesome!! You have a beautiful family. Hang in there!!:)
sweet heather: i have my ups 'n downs too! each day is different. are you on birth control? when i was on the pill (before getting pregnant) i was sooo cranky and sad, and lonely. so i went off. condoms it is. :P within about a week, i felt a world of difference. i think kimberly gave some really really good ideas on how to keep your days positive. heather, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to work a little. it can be great therapy. it makes you feel like you've accomplished/contributed something. i work mon-fri from 8am-12pm. it is perfect! a girl in my ward watches tenley. 2 of those 4 hours are naptime, and then the rest she eats and plays. so i honestly don't feel like i've missed much! me working gives us great health benefits, extra income, and anything i make on commission i get to spend on myself. :) one thing i try to do is accomplish ONE housekeeping thing a day. whether it be vacuuming, or washing the sheets, or cleaning out the fridge. or simply washing & folding ONE load of laundry. my house is NOT spick & span, but it is tidy & manageable. i am learning not to compare myself to others. it is really hard for me. some of my friends are ALWAYS put together, some of their homes are SPOTLESS, most of them are SKINNY-MINNIES.. i am none of these things! i hate cleaning. i will never weigh 110 again. i like to dress up, but when i'm home i'm in sweats or jeans. i try to find a good balance in my life. i bought myself a tanning package. :) i go tanning for myself.. it makes me feel cuter, and like i don't have to wear makeup as often. :) costco sells these undershirts that are really tight and stretchy fabric, that make your tummy flatter... i'm going to go buy one today to wear to a wedding i'm attending next weekend! anywho.. good luck in your quest to find something that works for you and your family! i know you will. don't be ashamed to get out, use a babysitter or your hubby and spend time on yourself!
Oh - I love you! It is hard to be a new mom and stay home ALL the dang time, especially in a town where you are new. We (I THINK we all) all have times like this - with one, two, or more kids. I wish I were closer to come a visit you. Have you thought of going to visit your Mom in St David for a few days, just as a change of scenery? That sometimes is a nice change. That has helped me in the past, and know that you are not alone in feeling like this! Love you!
Heather, there isn't much more that I feel I can add to what has already been said. You have some great feedback here. Just know, EVERYONE goes through this. It is completely normal. I say give yourself a reason to get up and get ready, even if its just going on some errands. Go on a date with Terry without Titan just you two and enjoy yourself. Go on walks. It doesn't help with the wind lately but if you go in the morning, you'll feel like you've accomplished something for the day. I remember when I just had Cambree. I felt very similar to what you're going through and we also just moved into our new are so I knew no one. Find projects, crafts, scrapbooking something that gives you something to do and takes time away. Do you have a journal? You could write out your feelings and use it as reference later in life and its also neat to look back and see what you're doing right now. Have you ever gotten into studying the scriptures? How can you go wrong when you read those and study them? Find others in the ward or schedule play dates with you and other moms with just one child or even two where your kids can bond and you can talk with the moms. Its a great release and reminder you are not alone in your feelings.
On another note, yes I am 'busy' but never too busy to talk. Never every hesitate to call or come by. I mean it!!
Heather~Mark is 4 and I have those days too...but I get him outside! Get your vitamin B...10 min a day will make it worth waking up! Take a drive to an outdoor mall and just walk with him! Some of our family has been taking perscription meds for depression/anxiety, and you are part of the cousins, so you may want to talk to a GOOD LDS dr and see if that is what may be going on. Call Carrie...she is so bored OR call me!!!!I am a stay at home mommy too! But always do your hair and makeup, it will always make you feel better about yourself, get a mani/pedi every other month (unless you know someone or can afford more often). You are an Awsome mommy! And an awsome woman...keep up the great work! We Love You here in VEGAS!!!
Thanks everyone for your words of encourgment! They mean so much to me!
heather do you enjoy cooking? sometimes it makes me feel so good about myself when i cook something yummy for my hubby (or the ladies i visit teach), like the other week i baked banana bread for fun! i put tenley in her high chair, and give her treats and toys, and she LOVES watching me! also, open the blinds for a day! let the sunshine in, it's fun!
Hey Heather! This is Amber Adams. I haven't meet you before but I follow your blog and Brennon is friends with Terry. I just wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way! There are some days I just pray that maybe a friend will call! There are some days I will call Brennon 10 plus times just to cry and tell him no likes me. I am pretty pathetic! It's honestly hard sometimes being home with a baby and having no interaction with an adult. I hope things get better for us! It's nice to know that there is some one else that feels the same way! :)
I haven't read everyone else's responses, but I know they probably say they go through the exact same thing! Well, I do anyway. My poor husband just doesn't understand what I go through sometimes, and why I freak out every now and then. lol. I try to explain its my hormones, and he at least tries to understand. It's totally normal! I do know that on the days I force myself to get ready and get out of the house for a few hours, I feel so much better. Even if it means going to the park, mall, or store by myself for a few hours. Anyway, hope you're doing better! (To answer your questions, we still haven't found a house, and I am due on May 13th!)
Heather! Oh my gosh, I can seriously relate. I've felt like that most of my pregnancy and finally realized something that will really fill that void for me and maybe it would at least help you too. Pres. Uchtdorf gave a talk at last conference's (I think) RS session about being CREATIVE and creating things. I started noticing stay-at-home moms who feel totally satisfied and they all have one thing in common: they have a talent or hobby they do. It's a part of their identity, it's something they're known for, something they help others with, etc. I've been struggling as well with REALLY wanting to finish school and keep singing and being recognized for that... but that's not a reality if I want to raise my kids, rather than a daycare or babysitter. But having some kind of talent or hobby seems to help. I.E. my MIL is an amazing cook... she creates award-winning recipes and can entertain like Martha Stewart; THAT gives her SO much fulfillment and contentment as a stay-home mom. My aunt makes cards... the CUTEST greeting cards I've ever seen. My friend's mom beads and makes jewelry. She's accumulated lots of beads and little tools and she creates in that way. My first piano teacher was extremely musical... blah, blah. All these stay-home moms felt needed, proud, and good at something. What are some things you enjoy doing or are good at? What's something you'd LIKE to be good at?
Oh and also, according to my mom, it's NEVER a waste of makeup. The effects of putting it on outweigh using it up, even if you're just at home. :) Get yourself pampered when your hubby can watch the baby! Go get a pedicure or a facial.. they're inexpensive.
I hope you feel better!
Hi friend. So, I'll just tell you, I HATE working right now. I hate my job like...a lot! I would love to switch you spots. And I'm sure you would love to switch me spots. And then, within a few months, you'd hate your job, and I'd be sick of staying home. It's just in our human nature to always find something to complain about. I think Roy is SO TIRED of hearing me complain about how much I hate work. Heck, I'M tired of hearing myself complain about that. But I know that it's really hard to care about stuff when you're not happy. I don't ever want to get ready for work anymore, either. In fact, I'm laying on my bed playing on the computer right now because I just don't feel motivated to get up and clean or work out. I know I don't have kids so I can't 100% relate, but I do know how it feels to feel unattractive and unhappy with the way things are. I'm sorry you are feeling like that right now cuz I hate it. I wish we lived closer to each other because I'd be over there all the time. It's kinda been hard on me that Roy's gone so much. I do wish, sometimes, that I had someone here with me while he's gone. But who replaces your husband, you know? Anyway, I'm rambling. Call me if you need to talk. I'm sorry you're sad. It's hard to give advice when I sorta feel the same way. But just keep your chin up. Make time for yourself as much as you can. Take a bath and read a book. :) I love you!
hello Heather, this is Cindy, I just want to say that we enjoyed the time that we spend with you guys.
I met you more, and I want to say we luv you and I hope you feel our love to you.
I appreciate you so much, and you are a wonderful mom and wife and friend.
maybe we need to talk by phone, even is just to say hello, dont you think?
(ok, sorry for my english, I do my better.)
Hey Heather! I just read you comment about getting together sometime! You are so sweet! I would absolutely love that! Maybe we could get together with Tim & Cindy and have a BBQ! I would love to meet you and your sweet little family! Take Care!
Post a Comment